


if a sigh was captured in fic form, this would be it

by hissbitch



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Bittersweet, Future Fic, Glimmer-centric (She-Ra), Melancholy, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Season 5 Spoilers, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Spoilers, Some Humor, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:54:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25477999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hissbitch/pseuds/hissbitch
Summary: pessimism isn't always profound, glimmer thinks. somehow, she had aged in reverse - there was no real time for self-hatred during the war. now, 32-years-old, glimmer reflects.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	if a sigh was captured in fic form, this would be it

**Author's Note:**

> tw: self hatred? lightish angst, smoking, light mentions of ptsd symptoms, the usual for she-ra fics im p sure, parental death

Queen Glimmer lights a cigarette on her balcony. Time from time, she wonders how it became like this. 

She was never really great at being apart of something.

When she was a kid, her best friend was her mom. When she got older, only slightly, probably only barely noticeable to an immortal being like her mother, she acquired Bow. Yay. And as she got older, she got Adora, then the rest of the princess alliance, and then all at once she lost her mom and in a way, lost everyone else too.

For a brief period of time, she had, ugh, Shadow Weaver of all people keep her company in her beginning days as Queen. She was wise and old and a crinkly old bitch, but in her own youth she truly thought she was the best option - besides, Adora never kept her promise of staying by Glimmer's side. This time, though, it was her (maybe it was always her, maybe there was just something inherently wrong with herself) who pushed her away. Funny, how if she'd only trusted maybe the most untrustworthy person she'd ever met (one does not have the honer of meeting themselves, as much as one would try), she wouldn't have almost destroyed their entire world.

She almost began to think maybe people were drawn to her, as her mother's killer - god, who is she kidding? she can deflect all she wants, but the only person she's ever truly blamed for it was herself - starts visiting her at her cell in that cold, god awful ship. They sat on opposite sides of a cage, both trapped, and for a moment Glimmer thought that maybe this was the answer - she could be the one, to somehow, mend the alliance's former worst enemy's heart. They were two sides of the same coin, after all. Both fucked up, _broken_ people - but hey, at least she'd tried to fix her mistake/s. Catra could benefit from doing one good thing in her life, and as she crushes that stupid, _stupid_ cake beneath her heel - the oh-so-great Horde Prime would not be pleased - she wills herself to believe that telling Catra that would change something, anything, because "right now" this cage doesn't seem any different than her palace at Bright Moon, and it _should_ , she knows it should.

She partly blamed Adora for herself not believing it would change anything, when Catra breaks her out of that cell, leads her through the halls to her escape - but not Catra's. "I'm not doing this for you," Catra had claimed, "I'm doing this for Adora."

Adora, _Adora_ , **_Adora_**. Glimmer gets it - she'd only known Adora for about two years at that point compared to Catra's life time, but it's all too easy to get obsessed with that girl, even if, remembering all of their fights, it's in the worst type of way. She thinks back to the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra and Adora battling it out in the corner of her eyes, Catra leaving scratches on ~~_Adora_~~ She-Ra, that would not scar, for whatever Catra's saying would surely scar much, _much_ worse. And at that moment, being sent out into the vast emptiness of space, as Catra is surrounded by Hordak clones, she realizes that her and Catra's answer was a lie. She'd die before admitting Horde Prime, that bastard, was right - but there is only one truth. Glimmer is not apart of it.

She didn't consider for a moment that Adora wouldn't come back for Catra. That would never be an option for the stubborn girl she knew, who somehow forgave Glimmer far too easily - and, in a turn of events that Glimmer didn't expect, Bow was the one who needed more than the shitty, she'd admit it, apology she'd given to Adora. After an adventure that had Glimmer smiling for the first in a long time, Bow still hadn't completely forgiven her, and the feeling of being hated is better than the feeling of one not knowing you at all, Glimmer thinks.

Still.

"I'm sorry," she had said, "You don't have to forgive me…Just, give me a chance."

And somehow, he did. Bow was always too good for her.

Adora begged for them to go on a rescue mission to save Catra sometime after, and Glimmer had made a point of repressing the memories of her cowering in fear, again, on the ship. She pointedly only remembered her taking down the clones.

Catra withdrew into herself on their, much warmer, ship, Glimmer was sure getting chipped did that to you. No one got better right away, and Glimmer still had her bad days.

"I can't believe I thought this time would be different!", Adora vented out to Glimmer. Glimmer bites the inside of her cheek until it's her turn to say something. "You didn't really expect her to get better right away, did you?"

Adora and Catra ended up saving Etheria with a kiss. Glimmer was glad to let go of Catra before, "Take care of her, Horde scum," and she wanted to be the piece that completed the picture, _a_ picture. She wanted to be someone's answer.

But Bow's wasn't hers, and even as she kissed him on the lips before sending him to finish Entrapta's work, she knew this. 

She confronted her father. She thought he was dead her whole life, but there he was. She had first learned it from Horde Prime, her captor, of all people. 

But in a fight, she'd always win. Light Spinner herself guaranteed it with those lessons

She wonders, distantly, if after her mother passed, she was her father's answer. The missing piece in his puzzle, but she was sure that she wasn't. Too many pieces were lost by the time he finally met her. Her mother, and Shadow Weaver, as much as it pains her to admit that both of them had a semblance of connection with her, were gone. After they had won the war, she couldn't help but think that she didn't know this man, would never truly know him. She'd try though. God, would she try.

For awhile though, only a bit, it was okay. She would never be Bow's key. But they were together, and so it had to be enough. They tour space, as Adora had suggested. Glimmer ends up going home early. Her dad ruffles her hair on her way in, and she almost aimlessly wandered the halls that night, looking for it - where was it? There it was. The mural of her mother, and her father. Would it be rude to remove her dad from it now that he's suddenly alive? She decides not to take the risk, and she fell asleep in front of her mother in fatal position. When Bow comes back, she breaks it off with him. She's beginning to think she'll never really fit in anywhere.

She inhales the smoke, holds it in until she can't anymore, coughing. Her lungs aren't as well as they were when she picked up this habit at 25, and she flicks some of the ash off the balcony, goes back to thought, if only for a little while. 

She buried herself in work. Times with Adora, Catra, and Bow - the "Best Friends Squad" - became sparse. But they tried, by god they tried. Adora and Catra had moved out of Bright Moon, getting a home for themselves in…Glimmer didn't really know where. She was a shitty friend.

Adora and Catra helped out with damages from the war on Etheria. Adora, in particular, tried to spend time with Glimmer, still have this friendship. They walked through Bright Moon's garden once. She didn't miss how Adora flinched away from Shadow Weaver's now mostly dead, overgrown plants. Their conversations were stilted and awkward, resorting to topics such as the weather. With Bow…She tried with Bow. Really tried. She knew that he valued putting effort into friendships, he didn't want to be the only one doing it. She thinks she blew her chance at forgiveness from him. She knows he's trying too, but his hurt from their failed relationship has leaked through. There's not a single interaction between the two of them where one doesn't leave it in tears. 

Catra…When the Princess Alliance meetings get too tense, when she feels like she'll never be forgiven no matter how much that she knows at least Perfuma tries, though she knows they're all thinking that the destruction brought to their land by Horde Prime wouldn't be if not for her, she slips out of the meeting, and always finds herself in some corner of the palace that Catra would be as well. They slide down onto the floor next to each other, and though they both know they're still in a prison, at least they can sit next to each other this time. 

There was one time she had truly opened up to her father, though she likes to think they were close. She had broken down in his arms that night, and then fell asleep. He had assured her that everything would be alright one day, that he'd be there. When she left that morning to get them breakfest and came back only to find him not breathing, it was clear he wouldn't be there. As she looked at him in his casket, she thought that she still didn't know this man. She thinks she's a terrible daughter.

The last she heard about Adora and Catra was that they had settled down, had a kid that she thinks she sees at Mystacor sometimes when she visits. Bow had left to go on some adventure with Sea Hawk, sent a message to Glimmer of how he arrived at Salineas that she never replied to.

So, perhaps that's how she arrived here, lonely in her castle at 32, perhaps like that fire princess she grew up hearing legends of. She still wasn't someone's answer, and there was no key to this cell, no piece that fit correctly in her puzzle. She was never good at being apart of something. And then, like a thought you didn't have a proper grasp on, like a friend you didn't realize you were drifting away from, it slips away from her. She puts out the bud, returns to the palace.

Queen Glimmer always had work to do. How else to keep going on?

**Author's Note:**

> this was such a mess im sorry- some elements of this, such as glimmer's relationship with her father, was inspired by Crynelium's fic heartache. not enough for me to tag it, but i heavily recommend anyone who hasn't read it to do so


End file.
